Welcome to the world as I see it. This blog is all about life as I view it, poetry & random ish.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Stuck in the middle....without you

I'm stuck in hell.
Really there's nothing to do here back in the 252 and I'm here til Jan 8th. SOOOO ready to leave. It's like everybody's gay, married, locked up or having kids. It's so freaking annoying. Let's add to the fact that the dude I like, wants "time". What does that mean?! I know I'm not perfect but if you can't handle me at my worst, why should you talk to me at my best? It's so freaking stupid to not talk to me about things that I've done that annoy you and you just chose to freeze me out.
Yes I'm mad.
At least my hair's growing but b/c I'm in the 252, everybody has decided it's nappy and I need to do something about it. Fuck that. I'm just tired of it all really. -_-

Friday, December 10, 2010

Fashion and Lesi + randomness

I don't do fashion. Like I really have no style sense so if you see me, I'm in jeans and a shirt. Something comfortable. I mean, I've never had time to do anything else sooooo here goes.
I'm trying new things. One of these things will be my fashion choices. No more of all one color & more things that fit my personality so no more plain ish just more stuff that fits me. Like bright things that catch your eye but not OUTRAGEOUS stuff....I'm also working on my anger & communication issues b/c if I don't, I'm going to blow a few people up.
That chick.
She keeps trying me. Like tryna insinuate that I'd want her sloppy seconds? That I'm as grimy as she? Nope. Ima bitch among a few other things but there's no way in hell that I'd do that to someone I'd called my bestie. Fuck that! But aye, I said what I said and I'm moving on.
Love life.
Up in the air. I'm a control freak who doesn't really communicate well and he's a laid back dude who doesn't see my need to freak out over everything. He says don't change but if I don't, I'll be a mess and no body wants a mess! *sigh* I'm trying to do better tho.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Single girl life

There's reasons why I'm single and they usually involve dudes. Here's an example.
"I miss you."
"Really? Come see me."
Never happens. Really sick of shit like this. I mean, I'm not perfect but I wish that one guy wasn't like the rest of em and actually showed an interest in who I was. Things would go so much smoothly. *sigh* over it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Sick of trying

Short one: I'm sick of trying w/ the whole "romance thing" it's annoying and stupid. Done!

Friday, December 3, 2010


Things that annoy me

1. Don't ask me to do something for you if you're just gonna talk about it. That's a good way to get ya face knocked in.
2. Don't agree with me that I'm getting pudgy.
3. When pointing out my allergic reactions to chocolate, don't do it.
4. Don't cry more than I do.
5. If I don't text you in three hours, don't text me talking bout  what up love. It irks me.
6. If you can't handle me when I'm in a mean mode, walk away.
more later

Tuesday, November 30, 2010


So I should be paying attention. But I kind of despise this class sooooo....
First off, my life has been V E R Y hectic. I have a job (seasonal but I'm hoping it'll become long term) and classes have been kicking my ever loving ass and I'm trying this new thing called talking to somebody lol. This shit is crazy! I have had like zero time for basically anything not related to school including writing, doing my hair, or blogging.
I did an open mic and I think I did ok. A lil nervous but I have stage fright. More importantly: I'M EXPERIENCING THE WORST BREAKAGE EVER!!! My hair is just like "Fuck you! I'm breaking the hell off!" Sadly, I think it's my twists. So for now, I'm going to actually flat iron my hair for a while and see what happens b/c I hate detangling and having CLUMPS of hair come out of my head. It makes me cry for myself and poor defenseless BabyLove.
As for the whole relationship thing, Skittles (yes I know how INCREDIBLY homo that sounds) is still here. Seriously ya'll, I am like the WORST person to ever try and get to talk about her feelings and for some reason, I end up telling him. -_- But it's cool b/c he actually manages to calm me down and make me think bout shit.
Lately though, I've just been drained. Like, I don't know how I started thinking about it but everyday it seems like I've been dwelling on the thought of losing those closest to me and I don't really ever want to lose people anymore so I push them away. That's one part of my block and the other comes from a female I used to be cool with actually saying I'm grimy for being cool with a dude she used to talk to. Like I don't talk to you and you don't talk to him but I wouldn't be grimy enough to start fucking with someone you fucked with. I'm mean not grimy. *sigh* females. I let that get in my way to the point that I just almost shut down and walked away from everything. It's a mess but it's life. But I'm back and I know what I need to do to thrive from now on. I just hope everyone understands it!

I'm bacckkk!

Sorry I was gone for so long!
School has been hella hectic between classes, homework, clubs, friends, etc. But I'm back again. Ya'll can ignore the video that I uploaded b/c that was for a class. *whew* Spanish and my King Arthur class are over for now! *happy dance* Sooo ready for these lovely exams so I can chill....in between this job thing which I hope turns into part time so I can get my apartment. I offically hate campus living. :(
I'll be back later with a longer post about everything that's been going on lately because A) I need to go to class and B) the people who need a computer are looking like they're gonna attack me!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Friday, November 19, 2010


 The two sides of me

Sunday, November 14, 2010

B/c I'm avoiding Spanish....ole!

Soooo I don't wanna study.
I figure I'll just do a post up here since ya know, I haven't in a while. Hmm what to say? First off I have a JOB which, while seasonal now, is a) something to put on my resume and b) with hard work may turn into a part time thing which means:  APARTMENT next year :D & I can have my precious *Lord of the Rings voice* car w/ me :DDD
Life is pretty good right now. Can't really complain b/c aye, it's good. Except for the whole Javezz thing. I coulda done w/o that. Oh & ol dude randomly texting me: I wanna cuddle. Negro, I blocked you on facebook and don't text you. Is that enough proof I don't wanna talk to you?!  *sigh* guess not.
The guy front.
Whelp, that's one of those interesting things b/c yes I do have someone I'm interested in. We'll see how it goes b/c w/ my track record, he'll read this and run away screaming.
Hair front.
It's GROWING & is so FLUFFY! :D I love it. It's not too happy w/ me b/c I haven't washed it this week and I went to a party (weed + alcohol near my hair= BAD) so BabyLove is rebelling and itching like hell! Hmmm....that's it for now I guess.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Halloween hair & more

So this is the result of a drunk night + forgetting how to wrap + my hair not liking to be wrapped + a comb + 5 mins to do my hair. It was a pretty Afro tho & a lot of people gave me great feedback so if I decide to do something with heat again, I'll probably blow dry my hair and leave it fluffy.

This is before I rewashed my hair. I love how my hair decided to revert and was like, "Bitch ain't shit you can do bout it!" *sigh* I love BabyLove though. Even if she is all gangsta when she wanna be.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Straight hair + humidity= poofy!

Well I learned my lesson!
I straightened my hair to give it a break from twists and constantly styling but I forgot that this is North Carolina with winter/fall humidity so needless to say, my hair is big, poofy and frizzy! But I love it because it's mine. Even though I've caught some, "That can't be her hair! She got a bad weave!" I don't like weave b/c it itches. Try again haters! But at least I can say this:

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Bananas, heat & water! Oh my!

I did it. I decided to mix some ingredients and see the results. So I had some bananas lying around and conditioner and  voila, bananas are beautiful! My hair was b-e-autiful! But I wasn't done.
I decided my hair needed a break from twists all the time & w/o any other ideas....
I flat ironed it. I feel in love with my length but I hate my hair straight. After next Sunday, I def have NO plans to flat iron it for a loooonnnnnnggggg time!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I'm really debating straightening my hair...I want to but I don't know if I wanna wait *sigh*

Monday, October 11, 2010


So this is about to become less about me as a person and focus more on my hair and poetry. My life and it's craziness is gonna be on http://lesisworld.tumblr.com/. Keep it going though!!

He is

I don't know how to say it.
He's something I never expected to have. I mean, I've done WAY bad things but he somehow makes me feel like I deserve to be happy again. I haven't felt that way in a long ass time.
I like the way he kisses me and holds me.
It's weird b/c any other guy woulda been turned off by the fact I still have my v-card but he........he's something different. No pressure just hugs that are awesome and kisses that make me smile. I love how he can do something that makes me smile. Like kiss me when I'm sad or hold me when I've had an off day. Texts from him always make me smile.
I'm scared.
It's my usual fear of someone I like walking away but it's also the fact that he's a great guy. I don't wanna hurt him or have him decide he can't deal with the complicatedness that is me. I'm not perfect but can he stand it. I'm hoping he can b/c if he does, I may be with him for a while.
So there's this guy, who I totally like who likes me back. I hope it works because if it does....that'd be perfect.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Ah hair update

This is my hair yesterday. I am almost a year natural and I'm waiting for it to fall and not be a fro anymore. :D

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Well excuse me.
I thought I was done talking to and about my ex aka THE ex but apparently not. For everybody who doesn't know, the ex and I have been through hell and back. He was there when my nieces were born, he was there when I remembered by childhood and he was there for every moment that could possibly happen in the life of a young lady. But somehow, we became emotionally abusive to each other and yes, once even physically abusive (I hit him btw). Eventually we parted was but not before he managed to emotionally and possibly physically cheat on me with my 5 year younger cousin. He's two years older than I am. I digress though. This summer, it looked like always + forever were about to get back together and it was gonna be fun times. Sadly it wasn't. This time it got verbally abusive and we stopped before it reached the point of us being together.
He texted me today.
He's leaving for basic I guess and he just wanted to clarify somethings. He said bye and told me he took my pics w/ him. I don't know why though. We weren't talking. I mean deleted off Facebook, Twitter, Skype, etc. No contact then this? I'm confused. I mean it's crazy.
I still love him.
It's that first love shit. He was my everything for such a long time that....I don't know. I just can't talk to him b/c he's just so wrong for me. I want more for myself than to be his wifey or whatever. I mean, engagements are one thing. Weddings are another. It's like I think too much about this and I start remembering the good times. Those times are gone and aren't coming back. I can't afford to backtrack.
I'm done

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Understand Me

If you took the time and looked deeper,
Maybe you could understand me.
No, not the one everyone else sees
But who I really am.
Past the wildness
The IDGAF attitude,
the public persona
If you just understood that I've been hurt one too many times
And can't trust.
The crazy female that loves dancing and enjoys the sweet
Random things even if they're girly as hell like dancing in the rain
The real me
Candace-the smart one who never backs down even when I should.
Alesia'- the random one who'll break out in song and dance at the drop of a hat.
Cici-shy but wild. Wishing for a better life and striving for it.
Almond Joy-Sensation to the max.
Lesi-great friend and listener.
All of these are me.
I am the girl who makes mistakes but learns from em.
If you took the time to look,
Past all the hype and see me, you'd see someone real and beautiful
Unfortunately, you don't understand

Monday, October 4, 2010

Short and sweet 2

I hope it lasts b/c I really want it to this time.

Sometimes you just gotta vent

I don't do this often enough I guess which is probably why I have so many damn issues. Quite honestly, if I were to talk about my emotions, it'd freak people out b/c most forget I even have the damn things. But here we go (disclaimer: if you really don't wanna know, don't read the rest of this)
Respecting me will get you further. Yes I call you out ya name but I do it playfully and I stop when you ask me to. Talking shit will get ya ass kicked and make me mess up my nails which I don't wanna do. Respecting me also means letting me do me and enjoy my life rather than pass judgments when you don't know what's really going on. This also means that if we were ever really cool, you could come to me bout shit and let it lie. Rather than do that, you wanna talk shit and say you're too grown to talk shit. It's ok. Not worried about it anymore. Honestly, half the shit you people do bothers me and that's why I don't associate with you anymore.
Don't try to play me because I'm not stupid. I know how the game works and I can play it better than you.
Happiness in my life doesn't come around often enough that I'll let people fuck it up. Remember that.
If I call you a friend & treat you like one, act like one and don't get mad when I tell you how I feel. There's a reason I rarely tell people how I feel and it's because they don't know how to take it. Honestly, I just wish people could see themselves through my eyes. It'd save me a lot of trouble.
And I know I'm not perfect but I try to be a good person when most people aren't so if I'm making the effort, why can't ya'll?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Drama, my hair & my feelings

Females and drama

I don't have time anymore. I'm just gonna be forthright with it. Like if you have a problem w/ me and you say you're real and will confront me....ON FACEBOOK! we have an issue. Yes i had statuses about you bout when I said idc anymore, I truly don't. So, you are now removed from my twitter, phone, and facebook.

Monday, September 27, 2010

For my readers

Hey to all of ya'll who read this,
First off, thanks ya'll! I appreciate it that you take time out of your life to look at the drama, the highs and lows of this thing called Lesi's World! Love you guys! Ok, so I kind of want some feedback on what things you like and dislike about this blog so I can make it better. You know, hopefully get some more feedback on things I post cause um.....I get NO comments! So just type a comment 2 me and I'll read and revise the blog according to that.
Love and peace,

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Karina Pasian feat. Trey Songz - Understand Me [New July 2010]

Just had to write it

Trapped in a space
And everyone seems to pass by
Never noticing me as I scream
By the labels put upon me
Because not many get to know me
Cause let's face it, at some point everyone hurts you
Can't cry cause my tear ducts have long stopped producing tears.
Trapped and emotionless
Can't let anyone in cause what's the point?
Ever alone in this world with
No voice and no one to call on
Just trapped.


When did I become afraid to be me? Afraid to randomly walk up to a stranger and introduce myself? When did I let shyness overcome my natural Lesi-ness? When did I stop being ME and become what people EXPECTED?

Lesi on relationships pt 2

I have to be for real and admit that it is mainly my fault I don't do well in relationships. I think I have a few reasons.
1. I don't communicate well- I will literally freeze you out rather than talk and regret it. I just can't deal w/ people saying my faults. I'm working on it b/c if I want to have a boo, I have to learn to communicate w/o any toxic words.
2. I don't like people- quite frankly, most people annoy me. Makes dating sort of hard, don't you think?
3. I am not open- I'm OPEN MINDED but when it comes to relationships, you'll rarely get how I really feel and this comes from my past relationships and hurting people with things I said.
4. My past-I have to let it go and realize not all males are like my exes.
5. My "type"- apparently I have D boy only tatted on me. Who knew?
6. I want too much too fast-self explantory
7. My hair- I'm natural. Not changing that for not one of these lil boys.
8. My personality- I really don't care about too much other than being treated w/ respect and most dudes can't deal w/ that.
I can admit I have relationship-phobia and I probably will for a while. But nobody ever said it was easy being Lesi.

Vertical Horizon - Everything You Want

Vent Session: Friendship

If I had a wish
I would go back in time to
Last semester when we became cool
I wouldn't bite my tongue or trip over
Losing a friend
I'd be real and tell you when
Comments you made would hurt to the point
I'd lash out on others and not you.
I'd tell you how when
you made every.single.convo about you in some way,
I stopped telling you things.
How I wondered how you could be so tight with someone
And let one little thing tear it apart.
I'd tell you that it hurt when you were negative about me falling
And it hurt worse than his betrayal.
But see I sucked it up and didn't dwell because aye, we were besties
But now it's to the point where I can't do it anymore
I can't deal with at least 75% of the convo being about you
Ya negativity towards me and others
The fact that everything has to go your way
And the fact that our "friendship"
Our friendship seems to mean so little to you.
I mean I'm far from perfect but when you needed me,
I was there & not those you claim "are down through whatever"
But if you don't care, why should I?
This is one of those times where I let people go and sadly,
you're one of those people


Is about willing to compromise and talk like any relationship.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Short and sweet

I miss him. Wish I didn't but aye, I do & that's all there is to it.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Random but true

Sometimes you just need to vent

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


B/c I have nothing else to post

Monday, September 20, 2010


Haven't posted about my hair in a while. I was looking at some products that was like $20 plus shipping. Why do people think that college students have that kind of money? Can someone please tell me where I can find quality natural products for cheap?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lesi on relationships

I've come to the conclusion that I don't do relationships well. Why? Cause I really don't give a fucx bout most things. If you treat me right and don't b.s., we're good. Most guys don't get that and in fact, hate it. If you wanna go out w/ ya friends, cool. Ima be with my girls and party or w/e. If you wanna watch the game, Ima be there cause you know, I like the game too. Most importantly, I <3 video games. Don't judge me. Honestly, if I could find a dude that's a good dude and don't be on that shit, we good.
I don't know how many times I have to say it though: YOU SHOULD THANK THE EXES FOR MAKING THE DUDE YOU WITH (if he treat you right) THAT DUDE. Don't be a hater and don't be a bitch. She's the reason he's good to you and the reason you're with him. It's just doing too much if you gonna hate b/c she's trying to be happy in a new relationship.
Mainly, don't settle when it comes to a relationship. When he starts treating you like shit, you dip. There's no point in settling for less than you deserve when you deserve to be happy.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Monday, September 6, 2010

Letter to my ex

Dear G,
It's funny how when I was younger, you were the guy EVERYBODY wanted and I had to have. I remember writing notes and you trying to figure em out. I remember how you used to walk me to class and stay until I hugged you or told you bye. Sneaking on the phone w/ you was pure enjoyment and I loved every second of it. You were amazing and I thought I would be yours forever and the fairy tale wouldn't end.
That changed when my younger cousin entered the picture. We both did some crazy shit through her that fucked us up and when the trust was gone, it was gone. POOF! The magic was over and my eyes cleared to see who you really were: arrogant, selfish, mean spirited, always putting me down in little ways and while you spoiled me, that fucked me up for relationships in the future. In the end it was my fault for always running back to you even when you hurt me. I was stupid enough to think that loving you would make everything better and if I stayed, things wouldn't change. Honestly, I'm glad they changed because you weren't anything but an abusive loser who thought nothing of almost fucking a girl 6 years your junior.
I can say I was stupid to go back but now I see I wasn't the only one. You could charm us and turn us against each other to the point where we didn't want to hear anything another female would say about you. All I know is that now, I can actually be in a functional relationship if I want to and that I don't have to worry about pleasing you or anything. I made the right choice when I chose family over the dick.
Candace Alesia'

Saturday, September 4, 2010

I am not a ho


I will never understand why you treat me the way you do and I talk it to prove undying loyalty to you when all you do is use me. My friends are right you're a douche and for real, I gotta leave u alone cuz if I don't, this won't ever get resolved.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Team no cuffn and more


my friends and I...have issues. This is the result of too much craziness and a ho named name Treetop! LOL shoutouts to Sexxxyyy and Fione! :D


I just don't get it aka goodbye Huey

How can you say all these wonderful things and yet, treat me like I'm an offbrand bitch? I was there were ya niggas weren't and when you were going through, I let you vent. We had an equal friendship until the day that I said what u were thinking: why not be together? Then you got upset and distanced yourself. It's ok but it still hurts and I wish you hadn't. But to move on, I gotta let you go and this is how I do it.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


I was kind of upset earlier. Both my grandmothers are in the hospital and I just need a break. Huey and I aren't cool and Sweetz and I are rocky. *sigh* The love life of Lesi. To make matters worse, I have to see the ho I think Huey messed with while we were talking. I just need a break.
Things are kind of looking up though. I mean, I'm talking to someone new named Bubbles who seems cool. But I have a Spanish test to study for so maybe I'll video update this later!

don't mean to be rude but


Monday, August 23, 2010

Welcome back!/DRAMA

So classes started today (my weekend was wayyyy too short but I enjoyed every minute of it!). I have NO cute guys (even though there are more on campus) in my classes so far which works b/c I'll be less shy and more focused. Plus a boo right now is kinda a want not a need.
But the drama continues b/c the same bs that happened before is continuing but not with me. So happy bout that b/c it shows that I wasn't the one in the wrong (go me!) But I don't stress it b/c what's the point of worrying about drama?
Oh, I don't have a boo/bae/baby/babe/anything b/c I realized Huey treats me like I'm always gonna be around which I'm not and Sweetz's occupation is too complex for me right now so single life is where it's at.

Friday, August 13, 2010

The two of us

Durn u NSYNC! That song has me thinkng about this dude that I like. So I guess ya'll should be the first to know, ya girl finna get cuffed (had to slip back into my slang for a sec!) which is weird w/ my commitment issues. *sigh* but he may be worth it.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Do we have anything of our own?

Ok, first off, this post isn't meant to be racist. I'm just looking at TV and I see things like weaves, crazy hairstyles, Afros, etc that were once uniquely African American and criticized for being "ghetto" but now thanks to Lady GaGa and the media, it's all good. For that matter, what about the shape of a Black woman? For years,we've been fat. Kim K comes w/ a lil ass and she's "curvy". Why in America is it bad until another race does it? Why is black or brown dirty but white pure? And why do we get jail time for the smallest things but other races can kill people and get so little time? *sigh*
Another thing that bothers me is ignorance. There is a difference between being a hermphrodite and being transgender and the fact that people don't take the time to understand that annoys me. Herphrodites are born w/ both sex organs and have to either make a choice of being male or female or their parents may make that choice for them. Transgendered people feel like they were born in the wrong body and live their lives as the opposite sex. Either way, the way the person lives their life can have major issues on them and their families. While society doesn't think to do its research, I do.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010


As most anybody knows, I don't use a relaxer in my hair. I'm "natural" or I thought I was. According to  a lot of naturals, I'm not natural because I don't use all natural products.....I'm a college student.....I'm broke. I'll use w/e I can to make my hair grow b/c I like to eat and shop too. Smh. Me personally, if I had enough tolerance, patience and understanding, I'd rock some kinky twists or something b/c my fro is having "I wanna piss u all the way off!" moment.
Main point: I'm natural. I'm also someone who uses store products b/c she doesn't have money, time or energy to mix her own products. I also can't keep paying shipping for stuff and that may or may not work.

My skin regimen

So this is my skin. I never really had skin trouble until I got relaxers then I got the most outrageous case of acne which I think now was because of the relaxers. *hmmm* I def had less breakouts when I stretched my relaxers. But for those who are interested in my regimen, here it goes.
1. I was my face w/ either a white or lightly colored wash cloth. Idk why it works but if I have lighter colors for my face and darker for my body, it works.
2. Use L'Oreal 360 Clean face wash. It really gets all the dirt off.
3. Wash off the L'Oreal and then use Clean and Clear 3-n-1 Acne Wash.
4. Wash your face again and then use Proactiv lotion or any lotion that u have for your face.
I follow the same regimen unless I wear makeup. Then I use a mild makeup remover before the L'Oreal and then go with the same regimen.
I have sensitive skin and this regimen works really well for me without the breakouts and skin irritation. Maybe more people should be natural for their facial needs.

Advice for freshmen

Ok so on twitter last night, there was a #TT called Advice for freshmen. I figured that it would be a pretty good monthly post so here it goes. It'll be 6 pretty basic things that freshmen  seem not remember.
1. Don't forget the reason why you're there.
2. Don't stress the little things because in the end they don't matter.
3. If you don't get involved, you won't enjoy the experience.
4. Don't take an online class for math. It's not too good.
5. Budget your refund check and/or job check otherwise you'll be broke sooner than you know.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Where in the world is Lesi?

I've been round the world and back again. *sigh* no really I just took a break from blogging and started back writing poetry. But in other news, my focus is back where it needs to be: on my future w/ or w/o Huey. He's the prototype and he'd be the one but he doesn't feel me like that so it's ok. Being single is just as good as being in a relationship because I don't have the hassle nor am I tied down in a bad relationship.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Life's a beach!

I went to the beach today w/ my niece & parents. It was AWESOME! It was nice to go somewhere & not stress this situation with these guys. I liked just chilling. Maybe it'll be like that more often.
Oh, my hair was two strand twisted with no product but EVOO and it looks nice. It's wash day but um....I've been up since 6 am so that prolly won't happen today.
just enjoying the beach

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Lesi style

I swear my style is ever evolving. That's from a random day last year. 
and that was a party last semester. I def love how it goes from trendy to a classic look. But
STILETTOS are my love!!! :D 

The ex

So he doesn't get that I'm over being the timid little mouse I was so many years ago and decides to tell me I'm the only problem he has. AHHHH! This dude amazes me with the bullshit that he does. Little does he know that when I bust his pedophile ass, it will be EPIC. I still have all the messages he sent. I'm not stupid. Recorded phone convos simply for this fact. Dumbass!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Thrift Store

I wanna go to a thrift store and shop. I've seen some uber cute things and I wanna do my own thing! *sigh* curse you Eastern NC!

Dear financial aid


Sunday, July 25, 2010


Haven't been waiting to write anything. Poetry, blogs, forum posts whatever. I hate being in a funk.

Dear Huey

Dear Huey,
You're a good guy and all but I don't think you're right for me. I mean, you can text at 3 in the morning after I CLEARLY said good night but during the day you can't text? Did I mention I had to get up at 7 that day? Did I complain, no b/c like the good person I am, I tried to let it go. But, Huey, we needa stop fooling ourselves. Friends or friends with benefits may not work. Let's be associates.

Finally! A good mixtape

My homie FINALLY released a new mixtape! Gotta admit I love it.  Ya'll should def take a listen to it!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

My feature


Thursday, July 8, 2010


I'm gonna be honest & it straight up: I'm one of the most outspoken people for Black rights. I know the history behind why the government hates the Black Panther party & leads us to believe that gangs were made to destroy our people. But I digress. Normally, I'm like anybody else who just blogs about their life, hair, clothes, boys, etc but tonight I'm just plain pissed.
If you hadn't heard about Oscar Grant, he was a convicted felon that apparently was resisting arrest but was facedown, handcuffed with three officers surrounding him. One of those officers shot him although "it was an accident". Here's what gets me: THIS GOES BEYOND RACE! What will happen when those who look different are punished for looking different? Who wait, already happening! We as America are letting people get deported because they look a certain ethnicity and let a man who shot a man in cold blood, get off with 2-4 years? But wait. Mike Vick is punished for FUNDING a dog fighting ring & gets more years than a murderer? Then there are the people on death row being killed because no one wants to risk their careers for trying to prove their innocence. We care more about the "Illuminati" (just stop listening to the music duh!), Kat Stacks (don't discuss her & she'll cease to be of importance), or Lebron James's decision (who cares?) than the state of our community. This is more depressing  than the 70s & 80s. When will we wake up and realize that slowly, our community is being torn down.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

just my hair

What's the point?

What's the point of being a hater? Is there really one? I mean, can't we be happy that our community is succeeding in someway or is it that if we can't achieve something, no one else can? SMH.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

She is gone

So after last night's fireworks and thinking, I've decided to let my past go. The feelings, pain, wall, etc needs to be gone if I'm going to be a good female to a great man someday. What's the point of hanging onto your past when you can only go into the future?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Saturday, July 3, 2010

I think I love him

Not! Over love, lust, like, etc. I don't have time to deal with the stupidness of guys in other words:

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Hate that I love you

How is it even possible that I'm considering going back to my ex? maybe it's because I still do & always love him. The kind of love we have is not good nor is it particularly functional. *sigh* But he makes me remember what it is to love and how it felt to just be myself with a guy w/ no walls, no boundaries. We've been talking lately and  it seems like we could make it work. It would be awesome to move past the hurt and pain and everything else but can we? And if we do, where will that leave Huey and I?
Huey is the kinda dude I could grow to love but he has so many damn walls that he's a damn male me. That's too much for one person! *sigh*

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

My niece

My niece is my world. Seriously. I love this child like none other. Between her & my younger niece, I don't need kids. They are too awesome for words. It's amazing that one horrible day can change with an "I love you" in a chipmunk voice from a lil girl. :D
In other news, love life's in turmoil, what else is new? Smh. Gotta work on that.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

I'm back

I haven't updated in forever! Guess I didn't have much to say. Been mostly looking for a job and tryna do me. I'll prolly do some poems tomorrow. Nothing else right now!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Facebook tells all

Don't be mad at me b/c Facebook tells all! If you wanna know, all you have to do is ask! In other news, my relationship status changed (finally for some people!) to in a relationship to someone most people don't know. He's my best guy friend above all else & I like it like that. Oh, and for the Formspring loser, go screw yourself!

Sunday, June 6, 2010


I'm 19 & I've sat here for a few hours thinking about somethings. I'm not willing to settle for just anything & that's probably why I'm single. I just don't have time for the games dudes wanna play. I"m not a ho, I  don't settle & I'm not gone lie to or for you. I'm just me.
I've been single almost six months (longest time since I was 15) and I don't see it changing anytime soon for just any guy. I'm cool w/ that though and I'm gonna enjoy it.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Summer motto

Lately it seems like everybody wants to rush into something aka a relationship but I don't have time. My little cousin apparently picked up on my mood and sent me some things from Myxer from Ed Hardy. They all had the same theme: love kills slowly.
While I may like someone and have the feeling returned, the ice cube that is my heart won't let me fall and the reason is clear: L O V E kills S L O W L Y. Quite frankly, I don't wanna die. But for everybody out there in relationships & loving it or looking for a relationship, have fun.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

No Doubt - Don't Speak

My Black isBeautiful

I don't claim to have all the answers about certain things but one thing I do know is that Black is beautiful. We have the most diversity among an ethnic group than anyone else & we also are one of our biggest critics. Gone are the days when we were told that we were brought up to have respect for ourselves & the Black community b/c as soon as one messed up, we all messed up. We as a people don't respect each other & our choices in life. Sure I don't like drug dealers but at the same time, I'm not gone judge somebody for doing what they perceive needs to be done for their family.
With natural hair reemerging as an actual choice for some, it's time that we stop fronting & telling our women that you only look good with a perm, weave or wig. When a man has to go through all the pain that a woman has to go through simply to conform to society's ideals of a woman, then we can talk. Until then I'm good doing me & being single. I don't want anybody to not know that my black is beautiful. 

La Vie Boheme From RENT

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


I love this song & video. I'm not a huge Wayne fan but this video is cute and funny plus I love Nicki (sue me!)
The real purpose behind this post is to announce that like most females, I actually started settling for less than I deserve. After today, I'm not settling. I don't have a list (shoutout to Chilli) but I'm also not gonna be just another girl for you to cal when you want something nor am I gonna be the one who the gets the calls of disrespect in the middle of the night. So as of right now, he can get the knockout only if he trying to do something with his life & actually wants to make me a priority.
That is all,

Tuesday, June 1, 2010


"Moment of honesty/someone's got to take the lead tonight/who's it gonna be?"
I haven't felt like this in a long time and tonight I'm gonna tell you how I feel
I was feeling you from day one. Tried to change for you and make everything gravy
But for some reason I could never understand, you couldn't see I was standing there for you
I can't keep waiting for the unthinkable to happen because while I
Wait for you, you can't take a second to think about or wait for me
See you want the ho who's gonna take a good person like you and crush you
Maybe that's what you want but that's not who I am
It's unthinkable that who I am isn't good enough for what you want
It's unthinkable that the amount of time I put in, ain't the amount of honesty I get back
It's unthinkable that you, aren't the person you make yourself seem
"I was wondering could I make you my baby if we do the unthinkable"
But I don't wanna do the unthinkable because I can't waste my time
Waiting on something that won't happen
So the unthinkable for me and you is to walk away and try to stay calm
Because for me, the unthinkable happened the day you
Stopped being you.

Monday, May 31, 2010

For you

You only want the ones you play games with you. I don't have time.

Friday, May 28, 2010


Maybe it's me but music used to speak to you. It made you laugh, cry, think about memories, etc. You couldn't turn on the radio without some song reminding you of something. What happened to those songs and those? Now we get lame things on the radio simply because the majority of people listen to that. Don't get me wrong, I like Lil Wayne and them sometimes but I'm wondering why artists like Lupe don't get recognized and the only thing you hear from Kid Cudi is the things that mention drugs. Don't get me wrong because he does talk a lot about drugs and drinking but he also talks about things like feeling alone because nobody gets you or appreciates you and just about being young. Lupe isn't the usual commercial artist because HE'S BETTER!
Am I the only one who misses the old hip hop, rap and r&b like Aaliyah, Tupac, Ginuwine, etc? Am I the only one who can't really form memories to lyrics about banging hoes, baby mamas etc?
On that same note, music has evolved into a legacy of cheating, abuse and hatred. First and foremost, if you're so scared of the Illuminati then a) don't listen to the music or b) have faith in something that nulls the Illuminati. Secondly, I love Alicia Keys & her music but her choices lately have me rethinking letting my niece listen to her. Are we promoting having sex with a married man? Isn't this the society that is so "high and mighty"? Lastly, why is it that songs or videos that don't have anything to do with sex, drugs, drinking or Lil Wayne don't get any airtime? SMH.
I just miss the old days of the media not making me choose if I want to know anything about someone's personal life and music being relevant to me.



Why does it seem like all guys want is a ho? I mean, I've never gotten it: you're hitting it, ya boy hitting it, his girl's hit it, etc but yet, ya'll still fucking her. WHY?! Is it because she's easy or because you don't like to work hard? I just can't imagine being a ho at such a young age.
On that note, I'm gonna have to ask that people on formspring not call me a ho nor call any of my friends a ho b/c it's not cool. Just because we have lives but people who don't spread rumors, you don't have to call us a ho.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I miss u

Sooooo I'm missing him right now. I have never and I can say this honestly missed a guy like this. SMH. Gotta break his hold on me.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Proud to be a problem

This mixtape is actually kinda hot. I'm def falling in love with it. LOL I guess I'm proud to be a prbolem.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Deeper than you know

I was reading my formspring this morning and I realized that I'm actually growing up. Half of the questions usually would've gotten an "I wanna beat your ass. What's your name so I can do it?" but I didn't. I actually tried to be nice which is strange for me. This actually shows that I'm growing even though Sunday night showed that I still have some way to go.
Sunday night, the ex came back into my life w/ the same old bullshit about how horrible I am. I don't have time for it anymore. He's a past mistake and I've grown from it. But I digress.
It's time for me to step my game up. Seriously, I think I need to start back writing my poetry b/c it keeps my focus. I'm out tho!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Sweetest thing

I've been on a Lauryn Hill kicc lately...her music is too durn deep for anything but long sessions of her with mad songs on repeat.
Anyway, all I can think about lately is my past. The past that used to cause such pain. When did it stop hurting? It stopped when I stopped worrying about everything in my past. I'm not that person anymore. Point blank, I'm a new person who actually enjoys life and doesn't worry about anything but doing me. Maybe that's what I was supposed to learn this semester: how to let go.


Nothing Even Matters - Lauryn Hill & D'Angelo

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Cantu: a review

So I bought this lovely little bottle of lameness b/c I had to flat iron my hair for band......I HATE THIS PRODUCT! It left my hair dirty and sticky and my flat iron extra dirty. I'm never buying this product again!
Maybe it'll work for somebody out there but it def didn't work for me.

And it ends.....

Today is my last full day as a college freshman. It's been pretty interesting and I've done things I never thought I would or could do. As I continue to grow, I think that college is the best thing that's ever happened for me. Thanks to everyone who helped me through this year and for the prayers that have gotten me through it all.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Taking a break

With all the drama that has surrounded me for the past few weeks when it comes to guys, I need a break. I'm boy crazy as hell but when it comes to it, I gotta get my focus right. So I've taken a sabbatical from boys. Maybe I'll figure out what I want from a guy.
In other news, I gotta start eating better and exercising because I gained like 5 pounds in a few weeks. Having a big butt ain't worth having a gut!

India.Arie - Video

India.Arie - Ready For Love


Ok so a few weeks ago, I go to the club and meet this dude. I text him b/c I was bored and we started chilling. First questions I always ask: are you straight, do you have a girl, do you have kids, crazy exes, facebook, etc just in case. This dude lies and says he's straight, single and off the grid. Strike one. Then I start to think, he lying. My homegirl tells me, he's lying.
So today, I'm getting dms from this guy and I look him up on Facebook. Low and behold: I find Mr. Julian on Facebook! The reason he couldn't text: he has a girl. The reason he stopped trying to talk to me: he knew I wasn't dumb. Moral of the story: don't lie! Facebook will tell all!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

My first love

So a trending topic on Twitter got me thinking about my first kiss. That was such a long time ago! LOL I def remember him though b/c we saw each other a while ago at a basketball game. He didn't remember me though :-(.
While I was thinking about my first kiss, the thoughts crept into my head of my first love. Yeah, I'm 19 and most people are thinking that I don't know what love is. But for me, I knew. He was my boyfriend of like 2 or 3 years and I had the HUGEST crush on him in 9th grade. We became friends and eventually started dating. It was one of the best times in my life. We argued so much but at the end of the day, I knew that without a doubt, I loved him. Circumstances happened and we broke up and we aren't as good friends as I would like. I miss the way we used to just talk about everything.
But the point is: never forget your first anything. In a lot of ways, I wish I could go back and change how things were but I understand I needed to grow. Embrace your mistakes and love em!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Um def don't have time for drama! I don't like nor need it but when I say things are gonna happen and they happen, I don't take joy in it. Instead, I grow and leave it be.
In other news, I'm kinda happy right now. I know how I feel bout the newly niccnamed Huey (aka KP). I like the feelings I have but who knows? Def gonna have to do a recap of my weekend tho!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Freshman year: the hair

Why can't we be?

Why can't we be more than friends
Cause boy you know I've got ya back til the end
Of time and that I won't hurt you.
Why can't we be more than anything you've had before
Just because all ya other girls don't know how to treat you
Why can't we be all that we're meant to be?
One of these days you'll wake up and see that
The question of why can't we be was answered
But you never knew it

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Don't take me for granted

People are starting to take me for granted. Not a good mood. When you needed me, I was there. You could at least do the same.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Who am I?

So watching the Best Man and it has been thinking: when it's all said and done, who am I? To most people I'm just that weird girl who no one is quite sure how to take but to my true friends, how can you define me? I can give everyone the basics but who can read between the lines?
Honestly, I have very few friends and way too many associates. My friends love me flaws and all and enjoy my company (even though they might shouldn't) and my associates are the ones quicc to turn away. SMH. But here are the basics for everyone:
Name: Candace Alesia
Birthdate: Jan. 15, 1991
Hometown: You've never heard of it, 252, NC
Sexual orientation: Straight (for everyone who loves to say I'm gay or w/e, I'm straight as hell)
Relationship status: Single
That's all that most people know and that's all they need to know. But it seems like lately, more people actually think they can say what they want about me. Formspring isn't gonna protect you and just by not putting your name, it shows how scared you are. SMH. Sometimes I think the question isn't who am I but who are YOU to be in my business when you don't know me?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Why I hate school

So, trying to be productive, I studied stats from my stats quiz and planned to do laundry. Problem? The rejects at the Housing and Residence Life forgot to send out an email that the part of blackboard that controls the laundry was off. After this lady gives me the runaround, I call the Technology place where Ryan helped me out. I'm still pissed though. Isn't it your job to help out someone who plainly needs help with a situation and not cop an attitude? Best believe, I'm gonna call the head lady. SMH. People these days.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

This is college....right?

If we are, can you stop being anonymous on formspring and leave your name? I mean, if you're gonna hate, can I at least know who and why you're hating? And just FYI, I have a hunch who it is & if I'm right, you just did something you didn't want to do! :-D

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Then and now

Maybe it's just me but

Ok, so KP and I are.....weird. Like one day, he texts me all day and the next....freeze out! I'm trying to not let it get to me and it's working especially b/c of Potential . We're pretty cool but we haven't known each other for too long so the other shoe's gonna drop soon.
I digress tho. Mad work to do this week and I'm going to get it done. So if I don't post for a while, it's because I have homework, practice and boocaking to do! lol.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Goodbye KP

So for the past few months, I've been talking to this dude that had the niccname KP. I tried to do everything to make sure that I didn't annoy him and that he knew that I really liked him. I even would helped him if he was sicc and I hate being around sicc people. But I keep feeling like I care about him and he.....he could give two fuqs about me. So in accordance w/ the no dead weight policy, it's time to say goodbye KP. Interesting times but I can't keep doing this.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


So after the drama this week, I've def stopped hanging w/ so many females and I'm quite happy to just be me. In other news, MY HAIR IS GROWING! :-D. Longer post tonight cuz I gotta gulp down this yogurt and run to practice!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Group think

So, Erykah Badu's "Window Seat" has me thinking: why are we a part of the group think experience? Even when we say we're not, we are. Case in point, if one person has a problem with another person in the group, the group will turn on the other person. It's sad but that's how people are. I encourage you to think for yourself and enjoy YOUR life from YOUR perspective not from anybody elses'. Life is too short to just be doing what everyone else is doing simply b/c u lacc the baccbone to speak up for yourself. Also, if you're in college, don't do high school shit. It's not cute. It's childish and makes u look like ur a hot ghetto mess. Sorry just stating facts. But my main point is this: make up your mind about a person and don't let others color your opinion. Also, if you have an issue, come straight to the person.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Who knew?

You ever just feel like giving up? Yeah this week has been hell and to top it off my boo thing is acting weird. Side boo is acting like I'm so easily replaced. Is my life so complicated? Why is it that I can't really be happy? There's too many things going on and no one to really talk to. I'm just tired of everything really.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

& this is when we all grow up!

Ok so today was a total good day: no drama, fights or anything until about 5 o'clock when I proceed to get fussed out by my lil cousin. Um....-_- did anybody tell this lil girl that I'll catch a case if it means beating her down?! Don't lie on me one and don't proceed to step to me like you my age b/c I will beat you like you my age and dare you to do something about it. One thing about me, anger + me= bad as hell. So I text my ex who's part of this problem and tell him that we should only communicate when it's necessary.
He flips the fuq out! This nigga actually calls me a bad friend! Hold up, here's the posts:

for quite a while now...i've been doing nothin but being a good friend for and to you....i've been there for you almost every time you've needed me and now you are gonna treat me like this...like i do you so wrong or whatever...or because i start to much crap with you...? cool alesia ...i really could care less because this isn't the first time you've kicked me out your life...but this is all i have left to say to you... i hope whatever promblems you have get worse and i hope everything that is going righht in your life ends up going more wrong then the worst...you suck...you are not a good friend...and whatever you think bad about me i really could care less...you suck...you will end up sad and alone...and everyone you think cares about you will fuck you over...bye
yea bullshit...fuck all that...i never needed you and i don't need you...i just enjoyed your company but whateva...i could really care less...don't need you or anyone else who is really all about themselves so bye

I was upset, no lie. I actually had fallen in love with this boy and wanted to be with him. I was with him through some difficult times. Then I started thinking. This is the same dude that fuqed me over in the first place! He talks shit bout his girl but won't leave her alone and keeps giving me excuses about shit. I don't give two flying fuqs anymore about him or my damn lil cousin. I'm 19 years old. I'm in like with these amazing guys and I'm working hard to do my best. What kind of person wishes bad on someone simply b/c they were trying to be a nice friend and avoid drama? GROW THE FUQ UP! Ugh! This is why in my world, bitch ass people like this would disappear. SMH. When will we learn that by saying things to hurt others, we hurt ourselves?

Happy Easter!

So I'm on a break from school work (ugh!) so I decided to just do a quicc update. First off, happy Easter to everybody! It's a strange idea to celebrate the death of someone but the real idea behind it is awesome!
In other news.....I'm in a world of mess! Personal life is in such disarray. I can't wait until this mess is over! School is a hot ghetto mess too. This damn stats class is killer. Trying to find a job is mess and just life in general is crazy. This world is a mess. Why are people od'n because people are being creative and expressing their inner selves? Ugh!
I'm randomly ranting b/c I can't really say what I wanna say: I think I'm falling in love and it's scary. He's managed to get pass my walls and show me that people aren't always so bad. I'm so damn scared but I'm working on me. I can't wait til this is clear.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Quite upset

So, I've been thinking bout the people I hang out with. I love em all in a way but certain ones bother me b/c the never seem to think about how they act towards people. Yes, you look pretty on the outside but your inside, fucced up. I'm not tryna be mean or anything but damn! You slaying yourself by not realizing that the things coming out of your mouth affect how people act towards you. Then people who don't know the people like I do get in it and start hating on me. Pure bullshit. I def don't have time for it. Truly, hate me, talk about me, don't talk to me, I don't care. It's over for me b/c I have to deal with these people more than you do. Smh.
In other concerns, this health care ish has reached a new level. Disagree with the president, ok. Never treat him like he's some dumb kid! Disrespect. Ta ta for now!


I'm over the drama. I hate it. It's wacc and high school. I don't have time for the he said/ she said bullshit b/c it leads to more drama. College has lead to a whole new level of drama. High school was just a precursor to college when it's a bigger place to start drama and have bigger rumors. It's too much and "it hurts me soul" (Lupe Fiasco). That being said, it's over.
Next item, the Kid aka KP. He's the most different guy I've ever met. He challenges me to do better b/c I wanna be the girl he wants to date. I don't even like relationships like that but with him, it's different. Babezz (aka the ex) def is trying to come bacc into my life and he's cool but there's too much history.But I digress.
My hair is def growing tho. It's so cute! Loving my lil styles. Pics are def on the next step (gotta figure out how to do it tho!) I'm going to start my dreads next year tho. Hoping I get this license and a car. :-D. Life is good tho

Monday, March 15, 2010


Spring break definitely wasn't what I thought it could be but I'll live with it. No use in complaining! Newayz, prolly gonna go bk and write down my hair routine so I can figure out this growth thing. Just a quicc update for myself! lol

Friday, March 5, 2010


So I'm waiting for my cousin to come get me and I've been thinking about my ex. Yes my ex that broke my heart, trust and family. I loved that dude for years and he just up and threw it away. I wasn't perfect b/c I was nagging bitch a lot of the time but for him to at the very least emotionally cheat with my thirteen year old cousin is bullshit. And now, he has one kid on the way...bitch got pregnant while me and him was "talking". He swears he didn't fuck her but then again, he lies.
The sad part of the story is, I miss the way he and I used to be. He was my best friend and at one time, the love of my life. I think he's the reason I try to give people so many chances: I'm screwed up I think. Maybe one day, I'll actually learn my lesson and let it go.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Quite Pissed

So, I just need to rant right now because I'm in the middle of midterms and people are just pissing the holy fuck outta me! Like seriously, don't get mad when I tell u about yourself. If you tell me one thing and tell my friend another, I don't have time for it AT ALL. Second, you don't know me well enough to keep talking to me when I'm pissed so read between the lines and see that I'm pissed. Third, I'm so damn sexually frustrated that the next time my b.u.d.d.y comes around, I might just hurt his ass. *ugh!* I'm not in the best of places right now and people keep trying me! Why?!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Quick update

So my hair is growing and I love it but the afro isn't going to last much longer....my hair is growing out. It is crazy! Anywho, I've been busy. No more Sweetz or Drek. And I got my belly button pierced. More later.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


So this past week has been filled with drama. Like really, I thought we were to the age where telling an adult about our problems didn't happen anymore but it's still going on. There are people who are mad b/c most of the Black girls on our hall are hanging out and have inside jokes so they try to make a big deal out of nothing. Yes, we shouldn't have responded the way we have but they pushed to far calling us ugly. So ugh! So tired of dealing with stupidness! At least I've been having good hair days.

Saturday, February 20, 2010


So I'm really feeling kinda sad right now. I sort of want a relationship but at the same time, I'm not ready for the drama and pain that can come from relationships. I am tired of guys tryna play with my emotions so right now, I'm making a vow that if I'm talking to or chilling with a guy, he can't be playing games. I don't have time.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


Ok, so Valentine's Day was like any other day and it was fun. But I decided to make a list about how I'm feeling right now about being single and a couple of things I've been noticing.
1. College freshman don't really have time to date
2. There are way too many dudes here that aren't the type for me (i.e. gay, bi, taken, a ho or way too cocky)
3. I like people who are more chill more than a boyfriend
4. If I chill with you, I can have feelings
5. I don't talk to one just guy because of the fact you get too comfortable
6. I kinda like being single
7. I grew up w/ a bunch of male cousins who I've learned from, I'm not the girl to mess with.
8. Trying me is why I'm single

Um....excuse me?!

So Happy Valentine's Day everyone! First off, I'm so happy for everyone in a good, healthy relationship. My day was pretty good but um, there were a couple of issues which led to be having to cancel. I'm still sorry though!
But my big issue comes the fact that this dude who I'm chill with seems to think it's ok for him to treat me like he wants to. Um, no! I like you and your fun to hang with but you will not use me for whatever it is that you want to do. There is no point in it and it makes you look a tad dumb. *sigh* smh. Not gonna worry bout it anymore. This will continue in my next post

Saturday, February 13, 2010

And it's Valentine's Day eve!

So once again, I'm back on the V-day thing and I'm remembering relationships past & the amount of mistakes made in them. It's like wow! I was so fucked up! It was like I was looking a relationship so bad, I would take them with anyone. I messed up with mad guys and in turn, made it harder for the next girl. For those cases, I'm truly sorry. But the other relationships where we either both screwed up or he did, I'm not worried bout it.
So, right now, I'm kinda chilling on the relationship thing because I'm not psychically or mentally ready for another round of "romance". When I get in a relationship, I want it to be based on mutual interest, attraction & respect. It just needs to be a mutual things because that's how it needs to be.
So to all the people out there with Valentines, be happy but don't just settle for one day. Be a Valentine all year and show that you care & you don't need one day to prove it.
To all the people like me with no Valentine, show those that matter that you appreciate them because they're the ones that will stick with you through it all.

Valentine's Day

Ok so I'm single for V-day & apparently, I'm supposed to HATE this lil holiday. I don't really. I could care less because quite frankly, I'd rather have my gifts spread out through the year. That's if I get anything. I'm in the mindset of, "I'm gonna do the best for me. If you wanna get me something, go ahead cause otherwise I'm good."
I mean, one of my guy friends didn't even wanna get his girl anything b/c he don't wanna be with her but he tryna get with me. It's amazing how the male mind works. I actually did care about the holiday once & I got a beautiful V-day from my baby (at the time). It was awesome & it makes me sorta miss him.
My big issue is, do we have to be in relationships to enjoy V-day? Makes a girl wonder

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Freshman retrospective

So this is my freshman year and I've noticed some weird things.
1. I go to a predominantly girl and a predominantly gay school
2. That being said, we don't have a football team
3. The straight guys here are kind of cocky b/c there are so many females
4. Chasing after guys, isn't cool
5. College is a lot of work
6. Cafe food does get old
7. I miss my family
8. I've grown up & I can't stand immature people

Monday, February 1, 2010

Question for my dudes

Ok I'm having a little problem understanding guys at the moment and I haven't really ever had this much trouble! Why is it that you say you like someone but the moment they show interest back in you, you run and hide? Or my favorite, telling someone you like them, chilling, telling them you still like them but when they try to be real with you, you kind of dip out. Truthfully, I'm starting to look at other races because they don't seem to be on as much drama as African Americans are. Black males get mad because black females don't date black males. Really?! Why keep stressing myself out over you? I don't really get it. I mean, maybe I should just chill & not worry because I'm so young but that's the point! I'm young & kind of want someone to chill with. Why is so hard for a young, highly intelligent, honest, ambitious female to find a guy? SMH. I hope guys understand that while you can have all the sex you want with a ho, the good females are heading towards other races because of it.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Lesi Needs to Vent

Ok so today hasn't been my day and I'm going to have a mini rant about today simply because I'm tired of bottling my emotions to be a good friend to people when there are times I just want to blow up.
So today, I started my third period of the month. I'm too skinny to be losing so much blood. Like why is this ish happening?! Damn birth control is too fucking weak.
-Lost my damn card. I have to get up early in the morning to get a card simply because I needa eat. Seriously, if someone stole my card, I'ma snap.
-My exes decide it's torment Alesia week and continually call and text me. I'm done. The next one to do it is getting cussed out.
-Two dudes I'm really feeling are acting like jackasses for no reason. Seriously, I wanna blow them up.
-My hair is acting a mess. I'm debating whether or not I want my hair...might just cut it off.
-People keep forwarding me shit. Half of this shit ain't ever gonna happen and quite frankly, I really wouldn't care if it did.
I'm just in a pissy mood and apparently I'm supposed to be there for other people. I just need Alesia time, ya know? Ugh.

Monday, January 25, 2010


So this past week was hella hectic! I think I've learned my lesson bout the bus system in Greensboro
I haven't really been styling my hair or myself too well lately which is something I need to get back to because I can't keep dressing, acting or styling like anyone else. That's just not me. I'm unique and different and I like it that way.
So this week, I'm gonna be doing me psychically, emotionally and just be the Ladi that I am! :-D

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

So I'M BACKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!

So today was my first official day of class! SN: why the HELL are books so much?! LOL once again no cute dudes in my class! UGH better luck tomorrow. Missn mi Sweetz like crazy.
New girl on the hall is pretty cool. 252 rep. But of course, there's still that girl that I don't like on my hall and in my class. :-( O well, the Ladi will do what I gotta do!
Doing different things w/ my hair lol.
Love, peace and naps

Saturday, January 9, 2010


So I did my big chop! Gotta style it but its cute. :-D I'm so happy! 100% natural!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Big chop!

I think I'll be big chopping Saturday! Yay me! My life has been hectic so I'll be posting a full post later.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Happy New Year!

I'm mad late, I know! I had church on NYE which was a blessed service. The past few weeks have been bantu knots and knot outs which I've gotten so many comments on (yay me!). I had to cowash my hair last night (gotta do a post on the new reggie) and did a hot oil treatment and trimmed my ends. It's almost time 4 the big chop!!! Yay! That's all!