Well excuse me.
I thought I was done talking to and about my ex aka THE ex but apparently not. For everybody who doesn't know, the ex and I have been through hell and back. He was there when my nieces were born, he was there when I remembered by childhood and he was there for every moment that could possibly happen in the life of a young lady. But somehow, we became emotionally abusive to each other and yes, once even physically abusive (I hit him btw). Eventually we parted was but not before he managed to emotionally and possibly physically cheat on me with my 5 year younger cousin. He's two years older than I am. I digress though. This summer, it looked like always + forever were about to get back together and it was gonna be fun times. Sadly it wasn't. This time it got verbally abusive and we stopped before it reached the point of us being together.
He texted me today.
He's leaving for basic I guess and he just wanted to clarify somethings. He said bye and told me he took my pics w/ him. I don't know why though. We weren't talking. I mean deleted off Facebook, Twitter, Skype, etc. No contact then this? I'm confused. I mean it's crazy.
I still love him.
It's that first love shit. He was my everything for such a long time that....I don't know. I just can't talk to him b/c he's just so wrong for me. I want more for myself than to be his wifey or whatever. I mean, engagements are one thing. Weddings are another. It's like I think too much about this and I start remembering the good times. Those times are gone and aren't coming back. I can't afford to backtrack.
I'm done
Showing posts with label the ex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the ex. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Letter to my ex
Dear G,
It's funny how when I was younger, you were the guy EVERYBODY wanted and I had to have. I remember writing notes and you trying to figure em out. I remember how you used to walk me to class and stay until I hugged you or told you bye. Sneaking on the phone w/ you was pure enjoyment and I loved every second of it. You were amazing and I thought I would be yours forever and the fairy tale wouldn't end.
That changed when my younger cousin entered the picture. We both did some crazy shit through her that fucked us up and when the trust was gone, it was gone. POOF! The magic was over and my eyes cleared to see who you really were: arrogant, selfish, mean spirited, always putting me down in little ways and while you spoiled me, that fucked me up for relationships in the future. In the end it was my fault for always running back to you even when you hurt me. I was stupid enough to think that loving you would make everything better and if I stayed, things wouldn't change. Honestly, I'm glad they changed because you weren't anything but an abusive loser who thought nothing of almost fucking a girl 6 years your junior.
I can say I was stupid to go back but now I see I wasn't the only one. You could charm us and turn us against each other to the point where we didn't want to hear anything another female would say about you. All I know is that now, I can actually be in a functional relationship if I want to and that I don't have to worry about pleasing you or anything. I made the right choice when I chose family over the dick.
Candace Alesia'
It's funny how when I was younger, you were the guy EVERYBODY wanted and I had to have. I remember writing notes and you trying to figure em out. I remember how you used to walk me to class and stay until I hugged you or told you bye. Sneaking on the phone w/ you was pure enjoyment and I loved every second of it. You were amazing and I thought I would be yours forever and the fairy tale wouldn't end.
That changed when my younger cousin entered the picture. We both did some crazy shit through her that fucked us up and when the trust was gone, it was gone. POOF! The magic was over and my eyes cleared to see who you really were: arrogant, selfish, mean spirited, always putting me down in little ways and while you spoiled me, that fucked me up for relationships in the future. In the end it was my fault for always running back to you even when you hurt me. I was stupid enough to think that loving you would make everything better and if I stayed, things wouldn't change. Honestly, I'm glad they changed because you weren't anything but an abusive loser who thought nothing of almost fucking a girl 6 years your junior.
I can say I was stupid to go back but now I see I wasn't the only one. You could charm us and turn us against each other to the point where we didn't want to hear anything another female would say about you. All I know is that now, I can actually be in a functional relationship if I want to and that I don't have to worry about pleasing you or anything. I made the right choice when I chose family over the dick.
Candace Alesia'
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
The ex
So he doesn't get that I'm over being the timid little mouse I was so many years ago and decides to tell me I'm the only problem he has. AHHHH! This dude amazes me with the bullshit that he does. Little does he know that when I bust his pedophile ass, it will be EPIC. I still have all the messages he sent. I'm not stupid. Recorded phone convos simply for this fact. Dumbass!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Hate that I love you
How is it even possible that I'm considering going back to my ex? maybe it's because I still do & always love him. The kind of love we have is not good nor is it particularly functional. *sigh* But he makes me remember what it is to love and how it felt to just be myself with a guy w/ no walls, no boundaries. We've been talking lately and it seems like we could make it work. It would be awesome to move past the hurt and pain and everything else but can we? And if we do, where will that leave Huey and I?
Huey is the kinda dude I could grow to love but he has so many damn walls that he's a damn male me. That's too much for one person! *sigh*
Huey is the kinda dude I could grow to love but he has so many damn walls that he's a damn male me. That's too much for one person! *sigh*
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