I went to the beach today w/ my niece & parents. It was AWESOME! It was nice to go somewhere & not stress this situation with these guys. I liked just chilling. Maybe it'll be like that more often.
Oh, my hair was two strand twisted with no product but EVOO and it looks nice. It's wash day but um....I've been up since 6 am so that prolly won't happen today.
So he doesn't get that I'm over being the timid little mouse I was so many years ago and decides to tell me I'm the only problem he has. AHHHH! This dude amazes me with the bullshit that he does. Little does he know that when I bust his pedophile ass, it will be EPIC. I still have all the messages he sent. I'm not stupid. Recorded phone convos simply for this fact. Dumbass!
You're a good guy and all but I don't think you're right for me. I mean, you can text at 3 in the morning after I CLEARLY said good night but during the day you can't text? Did I mention I had to get up at 7 that day? Did I complain, no b/c like the good person I am, I tried to let it go. But, Huey, we needa stop fooling ourselves. Friends or friends with benefits may not work. Let's be associates.
I'm gonna be honest & it straight up: I'm one of the most outspoken people for Black rights. I know the history behind why the government hates the Black Panther party & leads us to believe that gangs were made to destroy our people. But I digress. Normally, I'm like anybody else who just blogs about their life, hair, clothes, boys, etc but tonight I'm just plain pissed.
If you hadn't heard about Oscar Grant, he was a convicted felon that apparently was resisting arrest but was facedown, handcuffed with three officers surrounding him. One of those officers shot him although "it was an accident". Here's what gets me: THIS GOES BEYOND RACE! What will happen when those who look different are punished for looking different? Who wait, already happening! We as America are letting people get deported because they look a certain ethnicity and let a man who shot a man in cold blood, get off with 2-4 years? But wait. Mike Vick is punished for FUNDING a dog fighting ring & gets more years than a murderer? Then there are the people on death row being killed because no one wants to risk their careers for trying to prove their innocence. We care more about the "Illuminati" (just stop listening to the music duh!), Kat Stacks (don't discuss her & she'll cease to be of importance), or Lebron James's decision (who cares?) than the state of our community. This is more depressing than the 70s & 80s. When will we wake up and realize that slowly, our community is being torn down.
So after last night's fireworks and thinking, I've decided to let my past go. The feelings, pain, wall, etc needs to be gone if I'm going to be a good female to a great man someday. What's the point of hanging onto your past when you can only go into the future?
How is it even possible that I'm considering going back to my ex? maybe it's because I still do & always love him. The kind of love we have is not good nor is it particularly functional. *sigh* But he makes me remember what it is to love and how it felt to just be myself with a guy w/ no walls, no boundaries. We've been talking lately and it seems like we could make it work. It would be awesome to move past the hurt and pain and everything else but can we? And if we do, where will that leave Huey and I?
Huey is the kinda dude I could grow to love but he has so many damn walls that he's a damn male me. That's too much for one person! *sigh*