Sometimes you just gotta vent

I don't do this often enough I guess which is probably why I have so many damn issues. Quite honestly, if I were to talk about my emotions, it'd freak people out b/c most forget I even have the damn things. But here we go (disclaimer: if you really don't wanna know, don't read the rest of this)
Respecting me will get you further. Yes I call you out ya name but I do it playfully and I stop when you ask me to. Talking shit will get ya ass kicked and make me mess up my nails which I don't wanna do. Respecting me also means letting me do me and enjoy my life rather than pass judgments when you don't know what's really going on. This also means that if we were ever really cool, you could come to me bout shit and let it lie. Rather than do that, you wanna talk shit and say you're too grown to talk shit. It's ok. Not worried about it anymore. Honestly, half the shit you people do bothers me and that's why I don't associate with you anymore.
Don't try to play me because I'm not stupid. I know how the game works and I can play it better than you.
Happiness in my life doesn't come around often enough that I'll let people fuck it up. Remember that.
If I call you a friend & treat you like one, act like one and don't get mad when I tell you how I feel. There's a reason I rarely tell people how I feel and it's because they don't know how to take it. Honestly, I just wish people could see themselves through my eyes. It'd save me a lot of trouble.
And I know I'm not perfect but I try to be a good person when most people aren't so if I'm making the effort, why can't ya'll?

I am not a ho

Do we have anything of our own?

Ok, first off, this post isn't meant to be racist. I'm just looking at TV and I see things like weaves, crazy hairstyles, Afros, etc that were once uniquely African American and criticized for being "ghetto" but now thanks to Lady GaGa and the media, it's all good. For that matter, what about the shape of a Black woman? For years,we've been fat. Kim K comes w/ a lil ass and she's "curvy". Why in America is it bad until another race does it? Why is black or brown dirty but white pure? And why do we get jail time for the smallest things but other races can kill people and get so little time? *sigh*
Another thing that bothers me is ignorance. There is a difference between being a hermphrodite and being transgender and the fact that people don't take the time to understand that annoys me. Herphrodites are born w/ both sex organs and have to either make a choice of being male or female or their parents may make that choice for them. Transgendered people feel like they were born in the wrong body and live their lives as the opposite sex. Either way, the way the person lives their life can have major issues on them and their families. While society doesn't think to do its research, I do.
Frustrated,
Alesia

Natural?

As most anybody knows, I don't use a relaxer in my hair. I'm "natural" or I thought I was. According to  a lot of naturals, I'm not natural because I don't use all natural products.....I'm a college student.....I'm broke. I'll use w/e I can to make my hair grow b/c I like to eat and shop too. Smh. Me personally, if I had enough tolerance, patience and understanding, I'd rock some kinky twists or something b/c my fro is having "I wanna piss u all the way off!" moment.
Main point: I'm natural. I'm also someone who uses store products b/c she doesn't have money, time or energy to mix her own products. I also can't keep paying shipping for stuff and that may or may not work.
Alesia

My Black isBeautiful

I don't claim to have all the answers about certain things but one thing I do know is that Black is beautiful. We have the most diversity among an ethnic group than anyone else & we also are one of our biggest critics. Gone are the days when we were told that we were brought up to have respect for ourselves & the Black community b/c as soon as one messed up, we all messed up. We as a people don't respect each other & our choices in life. Sure I don't like drug dealers but at the same time, I'm not gone judge somebody for doing what they perceive needs to be done for their family.
With natural hair reemerging as an actual choice for some, it's time that we stop fronting & telling our women that you only look good with a perm, weave or wig. When a man has to go through all the pain that a woman has to go through simply to conform to society's ideals of a woman, then we can talk. Until then I'm good doing me & being single. I don't want anybody to not know that my black is beautiful. 

Music

Maybe it's me but music used to speak to you. It made you laugh, cry, think about memories, etc. You couldn't turn on the radio without some song reminding you of something. What happened to those songs and those? Now we get lame things on the radio simply because the majority of people listen to that. Don't get me wrong, I like Lil Wayne and them sometimes but I'm wondering why artists like Lupe don't get recognized and the only thing you hear from Kid Cudi is the things that mention drugs. Don't get me wrong because he does talk a lot about drugs and drinking but he also talks about things like feeling alone because nobody gets you or appreciates you and just about being young. Lupe isn't the usual commercial artist because HE'S BETTER!
Am I the only one who misses the old hip hop, rap and r&b like Aaliyah, Tupac, Ginuwine, etc? Am I the only one who can't really form memories to lyrics about banging hoes, baby mamas etc?
On that same note, music has evolved into a legacy of cheating, abuse and hatred. First and foremost, if you're so scared of the Illuminati then a) don't listen to the music or b) have faith in something that nulls the Illuminati. Secondly, I love Alicia Keys & her music but her choices lately have me rethinking letting my niece listen to her. Are we promoting having sex with a married man? Isn't this the society that is so "high and mighty"? Lastly, why is it that songs or videos that don't have anything to do with sex, drugs, drinking or Lil Wayne don't get any airtime? SMH.
I just miss the old days of the media not making me choose if I want to know anything about someone's personal life and music being relevant to me.
Ci

Cantu: a review

So I bought this lovely little bottle of lameness b/c I had to flat iron my hair for band......I HATE THIS PRODUCT! It left my hair dirty and sticky and my flat iron extra dirty. I'm never buying this product again!
Maybe it'll work for somebody out there but it def didn't work for me.
Ci

Why I hate school

So, trying to be productive, I studied stats from my stats quiz and planned to do laundry. Problem? The rejects at the Housing and Residence Life forgot to send out an email that the part of blackboard that controls the laundry was off. After this lady gives me the runaround, I call the Technology place where Ryan helped me out. I'm still pissed though. Isn't it your job to help out someone who plainly needs help with a situation and not cop an attitude? Best believe, I'm gonna call the head lady. SMH. People these days.

& this is when we all grow up!

Ok so today was a total good day: no drama, fights or anything until about 5 o'clock when I proceed to get fussed out by my lil cousin. Um....-_- did anybody tell this lil girl that I'll catch a case if it means beating her down?! Don't lie on me one and don't proceed to step to me like you my age b/c I will beat you like you my age and dare you to do something about it. One thing about me, anger + me= bad as hell. So I text my ex who's part of this problem and tell him that we should only communicate when it's necessary.
He flips the fuq out! This nigga actually calls me a bad friend! Hold up, here's the posts:

for quite a while now...i've been doing nothin but being a good friend for and to you....i've been there for you almost every time you've needed me and now you are gonna treat me like this...like i do you so wrong or whatever...or because i start to much crap with you...? cool alesia ...i really could care less because this isn't the first time you've kicked me out your life...but this is all i have left to say to you... i hope whatever promblems you have get worse and i hope everything that is going righht in your life ends up going more wrong then the worst...you suck...you are not a good friend...and whatever you think bad about me i really could care less...you suck...you will end up sad and alone...and everyone you think cares about you will fuck you over...bye
yea bullshit...fuck all that...i never needed you and i don't need you...i just enjoyed your company but whateva...i could really care less...don't need you or anyone else who is really all about themselves so bye

I was upset, no lie. I actually had fallen in love with this boy and wanted to be with him. I was with him through some difficult times. Then I started thinking. This is the same dude that fuqed me over in the first place! He talks shit bout his girl but won't leave her alone and keeps giving me excuses about shit. I don't give two flying fuqs anymore about him or my damn lil cousin. I'm 19 years old. I'm in like with these amazing guys and I'm working hard to do my best. What kind of person wishes bad on someone simply b/c they were trying to be a nice friend and avoid drama? GROW THE FUQ UP! Ugh! This is why in my world, bitch ass people like this would disappear. SMH. When will we learn that by saying things to hurt others, we hurt ourselves?
Ci

Happy Easter!

So I'm on a break from school work (ugh!) so I decided to just do a quicc update. First off, happy Easter to everybody! It's a strange idea to celebrate the death of someone but the real idea behind it is awesome!
In other news.....I'm in a world of mess! Personal life is in such disarray. I can't wait until this mess is over! School is a hot ghetto mess too. This damn stats class is killer. Trying to find a job is mess and just life in general is crazy. This world is a mess. Why are people od'n because people are being creative and expressing their inner selves? Ugh!
I'm randomly ranting b/c I can't really say what I wanna say: I think I'm falling in love and it's scary. He's managed to get pass my walls and show me that people aren't always so bad. I'm so damn scared but I'm working on me. I can't wait til this is clear.

Quite upset

So, I've been thinking bout the people I hang out with. I love em all in a way but certain ones bother me b/c the never seem to think about how they act towards people. Yes, you look pretty on the outside but your inside, fucced up. I'm not tryna be mean or anything but damn! You slaying yourself by not realizing that the things coming out of your mouth affect how people act towards you. Then people who don't know the people like I do get in it and start hating on me. Pure bullshit. I def don't have time for it. Truly, hate me, talk about me, don't talk to me, I don't care. It's over for me b/c I have to deal with these people more than you do. Smh.
In other concerns, this health care ish has reached a new level. Disagree with the president, ok. Never treat him like he's some dumb kid! Disrespect. Ta ta for now!

Quite Pissed

So, I just need to rant right now because I'm in the middle of midterms and people are just pissing the holy fuck outta me! Like seriously, don't get mad when I tell u about yourself. If you tell me one thing and tell my friend another, I don't have time for it AT ALL. Second, you don't know me well enough to keep talking to me when I'm pissed so read between the lines and see that I'm pissed. Third, I'm so damn sexually frustrated that the next time my b.u.d.d.y comes around, I might just hurt his ass. *ugh!* I'm not in the best of places right now and people keep trying me! Why?!
Ci

Wow

So this past week has been filled with drama. Like really, I thought we were to the age where telling an adult about our problems didn't happen anymore but it's still going on. There are people who are mad b/c most of the Black girls on our hall are hanging out and have inside jokes so they try to make a big deal out of nothing. Yes, we shouldn't have responded the way we have but they pushed to far calling us ugly. So ugh! So tired of dealing with stupidness! At least I've been having good hair days.
Ci

EXCUSE YOU! AKA WHY I'M SINGLE

Ok, so Valentine's Day was like any other day and it was fun. But I decided to make a list about how I'm feeling right now about being single and a couple of things I've been noticing.
1. College freshman don't really have time to date
2. There are way too many dudes here that aren't the type for me (i.e. gay, bi, taken, a ho or way too cocky)
3. I like people who are more chill more than a boyfriend
4. If I chill with you, I can have feelings
5. I don't talk to one just guy because of the fact you get too comfortable
6. I kinda like being single
7. I grew up w/ a bunch of male cousins who I've learned from, I'm not the girl to mess with.
8. Trying me is why I'm single

Question for my dudes

Ok I'm having a little problem understanding guys at the moment and I haven't really ever had this much trouble! Why is it that you say you like someone but the moment they show interest back in you, you run and hide? Or my favorite, telling someone you like them, chilling, telling them you still like them but when they try to be real with you, you kind of dip out. Truthfully, I'm starting to look at other races because they don't seem to be on as much drama as African Americans are. Black males get mad because black females don't date black males. Really?! Why keep stressing myself out over you? I don't really get it. I mean, maybe I should just chill & not worry because I'm so young but that's the point! I'm young & kind of want someone to chill with. Why is so hard for a young, highly intelligent, honest, ambitious female to find a guy? SMH. I hope guys understand that while you can have all the sex you want with a ho, the good females are heading towards other races because of it.
Sincerely,
CiCi

Lesi Needs to Vent

Ok so today hasn't been my day and I'm going to have a mini rant about today simply because I'm tired of bottling my emotions to be a good friend to people when there are times I just want to blow up.
So today, I started my third period of the month. I'm too skinny to be losing so much blood. Like why is this ish happening?! Damn birth control is too fucking weak.
-Lost my damn card. I have to get up early in the morning to get a card simply because I needa eat. Seriously, if someone stole my card, I'ma snap.
-My exes decide it's torment Alesia week and continually call and text me. I'm done. The next one to do it is getting cussed out.
-Two dudes I'm really feeling are acting like jackasses for no reason. Seriously, I wanna blow them up.
-My hair is acting a mess. I'm debating whether or not I want my hair...might just cut it off.
-People keep forwarding me shit. Half of this shit ain't ever gonna happen and quite frankly, I really wouldn't care if it did.
I'm just in a pissy mood and apparently I'm supposed to be there for other people. I just need Alesia time, ya know? Ugh.
Cici

Ok for the guys

So I'm going to try to make this blog a little less bout hair and more about everything going on in my life. So today, I was thinking: karma is a bitch! Seriously! I played so many guys and I kind of deserve the karma I'm getting back but I don't deserve to have someone try to run the game on me. Really? Me? Has he never met me? I get so tried of guys trying to be cool or whatever and mistake a female that's trying to be real for someone else. I stayed by you when everybody else told me to hit the bricks. I'm done with the love thing cause I really don't have time for the b.s. people obviously like! *sigh*

Update

Ok, so I'm mad late! LOL. So ready 2 BC but Ima wait til Jan to do it. In other news, right now I have a 3.76 (waiting for all my grades 2 come in). Ugh, so ready 2 do this!